Gratitude

I’m thankful

Grateful

Living with crohns

Is like well, yeah.

But I’m thankful that I’ve made it this far.

That I’ve been able to keep working

That I’ve not had a flare so bad I was forced to stay home or go to the hospital

Or pass blood

Or any other number of things that are far too gross to go in to detail about…

I don’t have insurance right now

I can’t take medicine right now because of that…

So I’m thankful

That I’m able to keep working

Towards my goals ….

For all the good.

I’m thankful

For the mornings

I’m thankful for the beauty

I’m thankful

And if I’ve been harsh

Or volatile

Or fixed in my vision

I often feel the need to apologise

But

I think I will always be hungry

I will always be chasing

I’m not the same as

Other people I’ve known

I’m restless

And I’m at a pivotal moment in my life

Other people want to buy cars

And homes

I just want food

And to invest in something that will grow

Not buy a car….

My hope is that my future self

Will be thankful too

That my future self will be proud.

I went to Cleveland to make contacts

In six months I could be anywhere.

Making more money than I’ve ever seen.

But this morning I counted out four dollars in change to get gas.

I think it’s important to remember where you came from.

I remember working with my dad when I was six. We would get up early in the morning and go sell produce. You could smell the corn and the tomatoes and the watermelons. We cut grass and we sold tools. We did whatever we could.

I remember going to food banks and the cans had government labels on them. They were not attractive or marketable. They were blank. Bland colours.

We pretended we were soldiers and it was our rations.

I keep remembering all of these things from the past…

And I’m just thankful.

That I’ve made it this far.

No matter what happens.